memo14

I picked this story because it was good but it could have been better so I want to make it better. It also got me really excited for the Olympics.

The first thing I changed was my details in my third paragraph It was very sallow and not detailed and added a lot to it. It said nothing about the first round all I said I won and nothing else.

The second thing I changed was my ending it was " I could hear O say playing for me " Now It's "a fan put an American flag on my shoulders as I walked off the snow." I got rid of the national anthem because it didn't fit in the story.

The Third thing I changed was my beginning it was "I can't believe I'm going to the 2010 Olympics" Now it's "This is your captain speaking.We will be landing in 5 minutes."

The fourth thing I did was added was an onamonapea Cachchchch When the Capitan speaks.

The fifth thing I did was add the score that happened. "I got a 50/50 and Shaun got a 49.5/50."