Writer's+Memo+for+6+room+poem12

Paragraph 1: I picked my 6 room Poem because I felt that when our class did these I did not understand. Now I fully understand and remember doing these in past grades. So I believed that I could really make it so much better. The first place that I changed something was the first paragraph on the fourth and fifth line, where it said, "All over the rough, wet, sandy ground That goes 'Squish-squash' under my feet" I believed that before I added this, my story didn't support where the sea shells were scattered, and it was short and not very descriptive. I also put in an onomatopoeia. This way it is more descriptive.

The second place I changed something was the second paragraph on the first line, where it now says, "Radiant, sensational" Before I added this, my second paragraph only had one line of descriptive words. Now, it has more, and it states that I liked the light (when I said "Sensational").

The third place I changed something was also on the second paragraph, but the last line. As of right now, it says, "Like a person filling a water bottle" I thought that the paragraph would be better if I added even more descriptions in it. So I thought about what could fit, and that pooped into my mind.

I changed other stuff but another one I wanted to talk about was the fifth paragraph, first line. At first, it just said exciting! But then I changed it to, "Excited as a dog getting food" I have friends with dogs, so I know first hand how excited dogs can get when food is involved! To put this in, I used a simile.

Also in that paragraph on the second line I added a simile. The line reads, "Wondering as much as a person on 'Deal or No Deal'" I have watched "Deal or No Deal" before, and right before the banker tells the amount, the person's face is filled with wonder. So I added a simile.

All in all, I put a lot of thought into revising this poem.