-+writers+memo+17

= = =Writers Memo=

=By:Jesse Motsenbocker= In the piece __Huntin__ I changed a lot of things. Like more details and added similes and metaphors. I think my piece is 200 times better.

One example where I put in a similes I described what a pancake tasted like at J and L's eatery. Instead of nothing in there describing the taste of the pancake. I said " It tasted like honey fresh from the hive"

Another example is when I added detail about my dads and grandparents breakfast. The breakfast was an omelet full of cheesy broccoli and with mushrooms. I added details to that and described how it was good for you but I did not like the taste of it." I do not how to enjoy stuff like that. Its healthy and good but I just find the taste in that. It taste bad I think. It taste like plant from around the world. I personally don't like that taste."

Yet another example is when I described how the pheasant went down to the ground like a air plane."i jumped out of the truck and and opened the end of the tail bed. Took out my 4-10 and looked for some creatures. I loaded my shot gun and shot a pheasant. When the bird was going down, it looked like a flying alligator doing the death role. My point is it was flipping through the air. My dad wasn't even out of the truck when I shot it. I took a jog too the bird. My dad came over to me and said" nice shot". He picked it up and I shot it in the head. It was my first bird. It was probably the best shot I will shoot in my life. Most of the bee beebs went into his head.".

I added a extra paragraph about what I wanted to happened the next day when I went hunting."That night I dreamed of getting my first bird in a endless land scape of a farmer. Shooting the first bird I see. l shot a moving thing on the ground. I shot it. I saw another right I was about to shoot it, I woke up."

I described how gummy bears tasted because only had 3 gummy bears the whole way to Sterling." Those three gummy bears tasted like food from heaven."

I described how the pheasant tasted like when I ate it. " It tasted like chicken."