Writers+memo

__Writers Memo__ k __by:Lauren__ = =

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When I first started this project i was thinking about doing a really long story like DOLFINE but i then disited that didn't want to do that one because I found it hard to find things that I could change so I moved on to a new story. When i came across this What If poem I thought that it was ok but i couldn't find anything to change.So I just simply steped away from it. The next day when I woke up I was thinking about middle school and how I was graduating in three weeks. Then when I was walking down the stairs into the kitchen my mom said " You have matured so much!" and i told her that really didn't want to talk about 1st thing in the morning. But then when it was writing time I had writers block until I had remembered mom telling me something about how i was maturing so much. Then It hit me smack in the face I looked at my peace and realized that I had really wanted to word everything differently so that it was meaning full to me, but then i also realized that the way I wrote was different to i had matured in my writing also. 'Was this day going to revolve around maturing? How scary." I thought to my self. So that is how I decided to do this peice. ======

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My first Change in this poem was in the first sentience. First this really needed to have some better words so I used vocabulary. I changed evil to loathsome but it didn't sound right. Next, I put evil after loathsome because in the dictionary Loathsome meant hateful or something. And it would sound like this is it didn't have the vocab. " ..... liberate the world from hate." it didn't sound right so I change that. After that, I changed this part " And what if they could not see evil even as they saved the world. And I said " Well that's just madding" If you want to save the world you have to see evil ! Finally, the new final sentence is "What if dogs were super hero's and could liberate the world from loathsome evil and sin." ======

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After I read over the poem I decided that my needed more help so I used revising everywhere in the in second paragraph. I deleted and then adding back sentices and i couldn't get just the right sounding of the word so I asked Markell to read it and she said it was good but to use something nicer twards my parents even if it was just imaganation because it was going to them. So I changed that. then, the next change I made was were the cat was suposed to be talking but insted I changed it so that it would be something that every animal could say because that way the reader can imagen any animal saying it and so it's diffrent for everyone ​. But also the reader could have a easyer time conecting and comparing. ======

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In addition, the next thing I realized needed some changing was the endding. The ending really had no purpuse or meaning to it so when I endded it with just "What If " it left the reader hanging off the egde of the clift and thinking. which i sort of liked but what would they be thinking about that they could learn from. all my poem would be is fanticy which is great but not what i wanted my poem to be. So I added stuff like, what if there was all year around vacation what we be doing in life with no job, we would be nowere we would be screaming at taxes becaues we didn't know how to do math. i added stuff like that, because lots of kids want no school but what they don't always realize is that without school there would be a world full of confused people and people running around like chikens with there head cut off. The last thing about this change is the stradiges i used i used simalies, lists, stories and vocabulary. I love the last paragraph it's my favorit because it has meaningful info and has many stradigies. ======

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I chose this peice because it was speacial to me and i realized that there could be more to this poem than meets the eye. that's why i did this peice. But not only did i do this poem because it was diffrent i did it becuase I saw I that i could my favorit sradigies simalies, stories, lists and vocabulry. Lastly i noticed that i had grown in my writing and wanted all my stories to be meningful to me and to make sure that people who are like me can conect with this poem. The piece What If, Is my end of the year fith grade story/ poem. And Im Proud Of It! And i dedicate it to my teachures my parents for helping me in school and to help me realize that with out school there would be little oprtunites for you in life. ======